Memories of the Past
by SadovaTwin
Summary: Told from Elladan's point of view. Memories of life and love and feelings draw dark moments. This is not slash, but some may think it as such. You have been warned. Please R&R one shot drabble.


A dream as dark and menacing as a black abyss left me breathless and shuddering from its force. Somehow my thoughts drifted to another who was alike in so many ways yet different in others. I tried to catch my arid thoughts from straying beyond my grasp but I failed as a soft knock echoed through my chambers, causing me to sigh with regret. Long have I tried to protect the younger brother I had shared practically everything with. Yet no matter how hard I tried to protect him from my harried thoughts of neglectful feelings, he always seemed to know exactly what it was I was thinking, sometimes even before I did.

Sliding my feet onto the floor, I pushed myself off my bed, still lost in thought. Cascading feelings flooded over me in torrents, as I walked softly to the door. I knew on the other side stood my brother, the younger of us both, my shared soul, my twin. Sounds slightly otherworldly, I know, but in this we had no control. He was half of me, together a whole, apart only half of ourselves.

Not long ago we had figured out this strange feat, both shaking from our discoveries in fear and terror. It was only a short time to elves, for us, since that day, and it still left us breathless. Since that day, our thoughts were connected, our bond stronger. What was strangely amusing was we ended each other's sentences; spoke together when asked a question. This had left us both frustrated, and slightly annoyed at our shared connection.

It had taken us years to master this weird turn of events, and shaking my head, I turned the knob on my door and allowed him entrance. Startling, he was just like me. Sure we had our differences, and we had explored them with each other a day long ago. It had been nothing sexual, nor distasteful. Actually an exploration of who we were as a single person.

I smiled at him as he entered, his hand playfully shoving me as his matching smile met mine. His eyes were the same as mine, his long dark hair the same shade. Hence our first difference, not by birth but by choice. His was longer, and seemingly always tied back at the nape of his neck, while mine hung loosely around my shoulders, and down my back.

His build was our second difference. He was slight of frame, lean and built but his elven structure more prominent then mine. I think why I was known as elf-man, rather then anything different. I was heavily built, my swords training leaving my muscles well defined.

Looking at us you would never know who was who, the difference was so slight, but we knew. His passion was with reading, diplomatic encounters, mastering art and script, while I took my hand to training with bow and sword. This lead to our third difference, as our hands held a story of their own. Mine were calloused, while his were smooth and delicate.

Sure we never really noticed it, nor did anyone else for that matter. I remember exploring his arms and skin, looking for these simple differences, taking great care in memorizing him. His scent was cinnamon and honey, while he informed me I smelled of mint. I seated myself in a chair by the hearth, while he poured wine, still lost in thoughts.

I remember we had taken our usual bath, innocent and normal for us, washing each others hair, like we had stood in front of a mirror. His fingers had lingered on my shoulder longer then normal, and I had raised an eyebrow in question. His grey eyes had borne into mine, startled as he beheld our shared looks. His innocent words still caused my lips to twist into a smile. 'We are so alike.'

I chuckled again, as I had done then, and he turned around shaking his head. He passed the goblet to me, and I took it gratefully. He took a chair across from me smiling faintly. It seemed forced, and uncertain, but I winked easing his harried thoughts.

Elrohir and I were different do not get me wrong. He was kind hearted, easily amused, mischievous, well I suppose we both were. But I was more stern, more hardened. I was protective as well. Not that he wasn't, but he was calmer about things, and always reasonable, where I could be stubborn and relentless.

His quick wit and seriously humorous manner left me bemused and watchful. Normally I was silent, while he took up conversations where ever and when ever he could. It wasn't like I did not engage in conversation, nor attempted them, but he was faster at responses then I was. I stood listening, taking in every word spoken, attempting the right response, while he would blurt out the first thing that came to his mind, rather then thinking it through. He was never rude or hurtful, and always seemed to cause those around us amusement.

I was more reserved, and more thoughtful. I lifted my head and looked at him. He was my other half; he was the calm demeanour the quick-witted one, while I stood silent. We completed each other. In all others around us, they were a single person having both aspects of our split soul. Together we were a whole, where no one would understand it. Ro and I had trouble with it, so I knew that every one else around us could not distinguish it any better.

I was easily angered, always wanting to protect those around me. I suppose it was because I was the elder. We loved each other. Not as lovers as most would think. We were brothers, and a single person, only divided into two. I remember when we had our first encounter with men, and it pulled another chuckle out of me as we sipped our wine.

Elrohir smiled his eyes half lidded as he shared my thoughts.

Elrohir and I had been in a battle with a band of orcs, this was strangely normal for us, since our mothers departure, which I suppose was another reason why we had become closer then any other siblings. I had been knocked to the ground by a hard club, which had landed on the back of my head. I remember seeing stars. Time seemed to slow, and then I peered into Ro's face intently trying to stay focused, as his worried features lingered above me. I guess men had heard the fight and had stumbled into our battle, helping with defeating the dreaded beasts.

The men had taken us back to their camp. Elrohir had never left my side. He had curled up beside me, lending his strength and support. Afterwards, we had sat and talked with the men, thanking them for their aid. When we had been younger, Elrohir and I had shared a kiss. It had been innocent, but because we were the same, we had explored each other, as one would have done by themselves. As we neared our majority, the kiss was startling, not filled with passion but curiosity. Smiling, I remember his hands on me, exploring me as he would have done himself had we been a single person rather then a shared.

The only difference was that we knew each other better then our lovers ever had. My mind drifted to Elrohir's first love. An elf maiden with long golden hair, and stunning blue eyes. Ro had shared that night with me, and I had remembered the passion through him. It had been like I was there, watching. We never were able to keep anything to ourselves.

Looking up I saw Elrohir flush, as he remembered. Smiling coyly, he tilted his head, drawing me back into the memory.

They had been courting each other for some years, before they had ever laid a hand on one another, but when they did, the sparks had been startling for me, as I had been amongst my friends in the dance halls. My dance steps had faltered, and I had gasped out loud, causing the lady I was dancing with to stop confused. I knew my face had flushed a bright red, and I had felt my brothers amusement, as he pulled me into his kiss.

I had fled the halls, knowing that he would never ease the connection, and I had found my chambers breathless from the passion that flooded through him. I had growled at him through our bond, and he had chuckled.

Ro had been standing behind his lady, watching her as she gazed lovingly around her, and he had finally approached her wrapping his arms around her hips, pulling her to him. She had tensed up, but relaxed when his lips had met her neck. I had felt her heart quicken, and felt everything. He had turned her around in his embrace, and took her lips, and I had seen myself there kissing her rather then sharing the memory. It had caused me to blush even more.

It had been that night, my first night, which I had had to satisfy myself, due to my brothers mischievous exploits. It had never been a sexual experience, leading to bonding, but their passion had certainly been close. I had been certain that Ro would have made love to her, binding their souls forever, but it had never come. Nor would it. Ro and I would never wed, so our sexual lives had turned to mortal women.

It had been the only way for us to satisfy our desires, and ease our mortal bloods boiling quickness. Elves did not have sexual encounters, but Ro and I were of both blood. So we had taken quite the liking to our mortal side. It also did not lead to marriage as the mortals referred to it as such. Due to our shared soul, we would never be able to wed. It would lead to jealousy and hurt, not towards each other, but for our wives. They would never understand having to share everything.

I opened my eyes and smiled. We both knew, that no matter what, we would always have one another.

"You think too much." Ro declared.

"You love too much." I countered, thinking back on his love that had recently died from a chest sickness.

He nodded, his eyes a bit sad. "I think my loving is finished for this life time." He murmured softly.

I nodded, feeling the twinge of heartache in him. We sat there in silence, no longer speaking, we had no need. We were able to mind speak, we shared everything. Ro and I were not lovers, nor would we ever be, it was wrong and not something elves did, regardless of our mortal blood. Mortals had taken the same sex lover, many a time, but we were brothers, and more then that.

Even though to outsiders, we would appear as lovers, we certainly were not. We held hands as lovers, but in our minds it was a sign of affection. We hugged as lovers would, especially after a battle, knowing how close to death we had become. We had even shared kisses, but never filled with passion. It was only a confirmation of who we were. What we were, and how we lived. We were brothers, twins, and friends.

"Do you regret our choice?" Ro questioned.

I raised an eyebrow. Shaking my head, I smiled. "To be counted among the first born is the only choice we had."

"Will you regret it later?"

Shaking my head again I lifted my eyes and met his. "My first and only choice was to be this. To see naneth again and to feel her love wrap around us in pure joy." I grinned. "Had you chosen to be counted among the mortals, I would have chosen alike, you know that."

Elrohir nodded. "To choose differently from one another we would have ended our lives."

I nodded. We had always said we, us, even though we were speaking separately. We always knew what the other was thinking. "Come," I said standing holding my hand out for him. "Let us depart and be reunited with our family."

Flashing a brilliant smile, Elrohir gripped my hand and stood. "The ship is waiting."

Together we exited our chambers, and Rivendell, our grandfather riding behind us, the happiness evident on his face. We rode to the grey havens, and stepped upon our ship, and set sail, leaving the land we had come to love behind. Why had we stayed for so long? Two reasons, three actually. We had waited for our sister to fade, after Aragorn had passed, and the second was waiting for Elrohir's love to pass. The third was to finally decide where we belonged in the world, and the day we had chosen was filled with sadness at leaving the world of Arda behind, and finally being united with our beloved mother.

Holding hands, Elrohir and I stood at the railing, watching Arda fade in the distance. Smiling, we turned and stared into the west, waiting to see the shores of Valinor. The elves had all finally passed, and our legend would fade into myth. We had our memories that would never diminish, but the world of men would certainly forget. All that mattered was that Ro and I were together, and our memories of the world would live on in us for all eternity.


End file.
